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One for the weekend.

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    One for the weekend.

    Yesterday I was at my local Sainsbury's buying a large bag of Winalot dog food for my loyal pet and was in the checkout queue when a woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

    What did she think I had an elephant? So, since I'm retired and have little to do, on impulse I told her that no, I didn't have a dog, I was starting the Winalot Diet again. I added that I probably shouldn't, because I ended up in hospital last time, but I'd lost 2 stone before I woke up in intensive care with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

    I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way that it works is to load your pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and I was going to try it again.

    (I have to mention here that practically everyone in queue was now enthralled with my story.)

    Horrified, she asked me if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned me. I told her no, I stepped off the kerb to sniff an Irish setter's arse and a car hit me.
    I only do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to do!

    #2
    imported post

    That's ace ! true or not I love it Martin.

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      #3
      imported post

      I only do what the voices in my wife’s head tell me to do!

      Comment


        #4
        imported post

        Brilliant - first time I've laughed this week!

        Comment


          #5
          imported post

          Superb, nearly made me choke on my sandwich I was laughing so much

          Bruce

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            #6
            imported post

            Quality!!!!!!!!

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              #7
              imported post

              This is still one of my favourites:





              [align=left]The Koala and the Little Lizard[/align]




              [align=left]A koala is sitting up a gum tree smoking a joint when a little lizard walks past ,[/align]




              [align=left]looks up and says "Hey Koala ! what are you doing?"[/align]




              [align=left][/align]




              [align=left]The koala says: "Smoking a joint, come up and have some."[/align]




              [align=left]So the little lizard climbs up and sits next to the koala and they have a few joints.[/align]




              [align=left][/align]




              [align=left]After a while the little lizard says his mouth is 'dry' and is going to get a drink from the river.[/align]




              [align=left]But the little lizard is so stoned that he leans too far over and falls into the river.[/align]




              [align=left]A crocodile sees this and swims over to the little lizard and helps him to the side, then asks[/align]




              [align=left]the little lizard: "What's the matter with you?"[/align]




              [align=left]The little lizard explains to the crocodile that he was sitting smoking a joint with the koala in[/align]




              [align=left]the tree, got too stoned and then fell into the river while taking a drink.[/align]




              [align=left]The crocodile says he has to check this out and walks into the rain forest, finds the tree where[/align]




              [align=left]the koala is sitting finishing a joint, and he looks up and says "Hey you!"[/align]




              [align=left][/align]




              [align=left]So the koala looks down at him and says:[/align]




              [align=left][/align]




              [align=left][/align]




              [align=left][/align]

              "Fuuuu - k dude.......how much water did you drink?!!"


              Comment

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