Wednesday humour

[JesusofCool]

A very loud, fat, greasy, unattractive, chav type woman wearing a Newcastle United top walked into ASDA in Winsford with her two umpalumpa kids, yelling obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.

The ASDA greeter said pleasantly, 'Good morning Madam, and welcome to ASDA. Nice children you have there. Are they twins by any chance?'

The ugly fat woman stopped yelling long enough to say, Whye na, they're not twins yer twat. The oldest one's 9, and the other one's 7. Why the ell would you think they're twins? Are you blind, thick, stupid or just a cheese eater?'

'I'm neither blind nor stupid, Madam,' replied the greeter, 'I just couldn't believe you've been shagged twice'.

'Have a good day, and thank you for shopping at ASDA'.

[AlanD]

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[Kevin Garrod]

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A 7 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom.

'You know what?' says the 7 year old, 'I think it's about time we started swearing.'

The 4 year old nods his head in approval, so the 7 year old says, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast I'm gonna swear first, then you swear after me, ok?'

'Ok' the 4 year old, agrees with enthusiasm.

The mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 7 year old what he wants for breakfast.

'Oh, **** mum, I don't know, I suppose I'll have some f*cking corn flakes..'

WHACK!! He flew out of his chair, tumbled across the kitchen floor, got up, and ran upstairs crying his eyes out.

She looked at the 4 year old and asked with a stern voice,' And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?'

'I don't know,' he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be f#cking Corn flakes..

[alan230752]

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