humour

[alan230752]

A convict breaks into a house.and ties up the husband and his wife.
He jumps on the wife,kisses her ear,then runs into the bathroom.
The husband whispers to his wife
"satisfy him,or he'll kill us .I saw the way he kissed you,just be strong,I love you!"
The wife replies
"he didn't kiss me he whispered in my ear ,he's gay,horny and looking for Vaseline.I told him it's in the bathroom,
Lets see who's fuc***g strong now!.

[StagnJag]

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Magician on a cruise ship is constantly having his tricks spoiled by the ships parrot, every time he does a trick the parrot shouts "It's in his pocket, 4 of clubs, it's got a false bottom!" The magician hates it.

That night the ship sinks and him and the parrot survive by clinging to a piece of driftwood. For four days the parrot says **** all and just stares at him. On the fifth day the parrot says "Ok I give up, where's the ****ing ship?"


:dude:

[JesusofCool]

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I love those old jokes. Even though you know what's coming, they still make you giggle.

[StagnJag]

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They are new to me!!!

[veeeight]

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[Kevin Garrod]

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Two radical Arabs boarded a flight leaving Heathrow and took seats next to each other and at the last minute, an American Marine took the aisle seat beside them. After they took off, the Marine undid his seatbelt, kicked off his shoes and relaxed in his seat. The Arab nearest him stood up a few minutes later and said "Would you excuse me please, I want to go and get a Coke."
The Marine said "Hey, let me get it for you, I'm in the aisle seat anyhow." So he went to get a Coke and the Arab picked up his left shoe and spat in it.
When he came back and sat down, the other Arab said "That Coke looks really nice, I may go and get one as well."
Again the Marine stood up and said "It's ok, I'll get your Coke man, I'm in the aisle seat after all." whan he left the other Arab picked up his right shoe and spat in it. Then the Marine returned with the Coke and the rest of the journey passed uneventfully.
Just as the plane was about to land, the marine put his shoes on and realised right away what had happened, so he turned to the Arabs and said "Look fellas, when is this fighting between our countries gonna stop, all this animosity and hatred, all this spitting in shoes and pissing in Cokes...."
__________________

[JesusofCool]

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[Stagparty]

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THE SENSITIVITY OF SENIORS..

This letter was sent to the Lions Bay School Principal's office in West
Vancouver after the school had sponsored a luncheon for seniors. An
elderly lady received a new radio at the lunch as a door raffle prize
and was writing to say thank you.

This story is a credit to all humankind. Forward this to anyone you
know who might need a lift today


Dear Lions Bay School ,


God bless you for the beautiful radio I won at your recent Senior
Citizens luncheon. I am 87 years old and live at the West Vancouver
Home for the Aged. All of my family has passed away so I am all alone.
I want to thank you for the kindness you have shown to a forgotten old
lady.

My roommate is 95 and has always had her own radio; but, she would
never let me listen to it. She said it belonged to her long dead
husband, and understandably, wanted to keep it safe.

The other day her radio fell off the nightstand and broke into a dozen
pieces. It was awful and she was in tears.
She asked if she could listen to mine, and I was overjoyed that I could
tell her to **** off.

Thank you for that wonderful opportunity.

God bless you all.
Sincerely,

Edna

[Kevin Garrod]

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Love it! I so hope it's true!:P

[Greenstag]

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Love it....that's just done the rounds

[Kevin Garrod]

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What a shame..



http://www.snopes.com/humor/letters/newradio.asp