English for our Overseas Friends
Being the start of the festive season, and the fact that I have nothing better to do at the moment, aided by a very small glaaas of wine, and a very laaarge bottle, I have been idly browsing the web for anything that's better than eastbenders, or bogbrother.
I found this which I think is amusing for us Brits, and maybe for the foreigners out there too?
English is really crazy
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
To add a couple of my own pathetic efforts in relation to our beloved pastime:
If an engine is tired is it exhausted?
If your stag doesn't go fast enough are your wheels tyred?
If you keep skidding maybe you didn't tread carefully enough?
If you broke a bolt did you torque too much?
Is a diff whine caused by spirited driving?
If your hot rod breaks down is it a push rod or maybe a con rod?
If we had a white Christmas would you be able to find your car, Martin?
To my friends, sorry for the torture. To my enemies, up yours!
Merry Christmas all.
I found this which I think is amusing for us Brits, and maybe for the foreigners out there too?
English is really crazy
There is no egg in eggplant nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins were not invented in England or French fries in France. Sweetmeats are candies, while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square, and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.
And why is it that writers write, but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce, and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So, one moose, 2 meese? One index, two indices? Is cheese the plural of choose?
If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?
In what language do people recite at a play, and play at a recital?
Ship by truck, and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell? Park on driveways and drive on parkways? How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? How can the weather be hot as hell one day and cold as hell another?
When a house burns up, it burns down. You fill in a form by filling it out, and an alarm clock goes off by going on.
When the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible. And why, when I wind up my watch, I start it, but when I wind up this essay, I end it.
To add a couple of my own pathetic efforts in relation to our beloved pastime:
If an engine is tired is it exhausted?
If your stag doesn't go fast enough are your wheels tyred?
If you keep skidding maybe you didn't tread carefully enough?
If you broke a bolt did you torque too much?
Is a diff whine caused by spirited driving?
If your hot rod breaks down is it a push rod or maybe a con rod?
If we had a white Christmas would you be able to find your car, Martin?
To my friends, sorry for the torture. To my enemies, up yours!
Merry Christmas all.
Martin.
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