MAN FLU
Having been near paralysed with a devastating bout of Man-Flu thisweek,and receiving precisely no sympathy from any of my female colleagues,I've decided it's time to dispel the myths about this terribleaffliction that smug women everywhere seem all too eager to believe.
1. Man-Flu is more painful than childbirth. This is an irrefutable scientific fact*.
*(Based on a survey of over 100,000 men.)
2. Man-Flu is not 'just a cold'.It is a condition so severe thatthe germs from a single Man-Flu sneeze could wipe out entire tribes ofpeople living in the rainforest. And probably loads of monkeys too.
3. Women do not contract Man-Flu. At worst they suffer from what ismedically recognised as a 'Mild Girly Sniffle' - which, if a man caught,he would still be able to run, throw a ball, tearthe phone book in halfandcompete in all other kinds of manlyactivities.
4. Men do not 'moan' when they have Man-Flu. They emit involuntary groansofagony that are entirely in proportion to the unbearable pain they arein.
5. Full recovery from Man-Flu will take place much quicker if theirsimplerequests for care, sympathy and regular cups of tea are met. Is thatreally so much to ask?Florence Nightingale would have done it.
6. More men die each year from MFN (Man-Flu Neglect) than lots andlots ofother things. (Like rabbit attacks or choking on toast)..
7. Men suffering from Man-Flu want nothing more than to get out of bedand come to work, but they are too selfless to risk spreading this awful condition amongst theirfriends and colleagues. In this sense, they are the greatest heroes this country has ever known.
8. In 1982 scientists managed to simulate the agonising symptoms offull blown Man-Flu in a female chimp. She became so ill that her headliterally fell off.
9. Man-Flu germs are more powerful than He-Man, The Thundercats and The A-Team combined. They are too strong for weak, nasty tasting 'ladymedicines' like Lemsip,so don't bother trying to force them on avictim of Man-Flu.
10. While it may seem like a Man-Flu sufferer is just lying aroundenjoying 'Diagnosis Murder' it is a commonly recognised medical factthat the exact pitch and frequency of Dick Van Dyke's voice hasremarkable soothing powers.
Every minute in this country one man is struck down by Man-Flu. Women,all we ask is that each of you offers them a cup of tea, some kind wordsand your undivided attention and care.
Then maybe, just maybe, we'll beat this monstrous disease together.
I Thank You for your support!!
Comment